There are days when I wish I had a jar of stones to remind me of prayers answered, steps taken, small victories. My memory? It fails me. To be honest, I have no idea if what I'm about to write has already been written somewhere else on my blog and my heart just needs to speak the words again.
It's frustrating, not being able to remember. My husband can remember where we had dinner 4 years ago, what we each ordered, and whether or not I liked it. I couldn't even tell you what I had for breakfast yesterday.
I think that's why I doubt these God Sized Dreams of mine. I'm not wired to remember the small steps to success I've taken in the past. My brain says "Yes, you achieved that..." but my heart says "but don't you remember failing so many times before?" My brain says "You worked so hard to earn that...." but my heart says "..remember what you lost along the way?"
Instead of letting the enemy win and replace my dreams with doubt, this time? I'm retraining my heart.
You don't deserve that dream
You're going to fail
Someone else would do a better job
You could lose what you have now
You're going to mess it up
Those are lies. I might not be able to tell you 100% that I know exactly what God wants me to do with this dream He's given me, but I believe God is for me.
I'm not sure if you're like my husband and can remember everything like it happened two minutes ago. Or maybe you're like me and remember even less now that you're a mommy to a toddler who stole all the good brain cells. Maybe you're just tired. Under attack. Doubting. Lacking a support system to encourage you when you feel like you can't do it anymore.
You can do this. I'm telling myself as. much as anyone.
It's ok to pursue the dream God has put on your heart.
Every small step forward is an inch closer to your dream. You're closer today than you were yesterday.
Those little steps? The result of leaning on God and trusting His Word and not the enemy? Eventually, it adds up to big success.
You know what? I'll probably mess something up along the way. I'll be too excited and pursue too passionately because it's who I am. I'll open my mouth and over share ideas when I need to just sit back. But this God Sized Dream? If I truly believe that God has put it on my heart to pursue this, I have to believe it's because He plans to use all of those things for His glory and not my shame.